Nasty nasty taxotere!

Taxotere is a sly form of chemo!

With FEC I felt rubbish just a few hour's after the infusion. Tax on the other hand seems to want to lull you into a false sense of security. Leading you to thinking you'll have minimal, easy side effect's and that you'll manage just fine. Then it hits!

Transfusion day (Tuesday) and Wednesday I felt pretty much ok, little wired and fuzzy which was probably due to the steroids that have to be taken to reduce any allergic reaction to the tax and combat sickness. Thursday morning onwards I had the usual "post-neulasta jab" aches, solvable with a pillow between my legs and ibuprofen tablets regularly. Then from last night it was like a ball had been released from the top of a high steep hill. Gradually meaning me becoming more and more sore and increasingly tired, my appetite disappeared somewhere, then the ball picked up some immense speed and then BAM! Right into me!

I have realised however that if I do anything at all the aches are so much worse. Lying still, preferably in a boiling hot bath, is the only time I don't want to cut my own head off. Thank goodness for the port-a-cath! I wouldn't have had that option with a PICC.

For those that don't know me well, being still is a very hard thing for me to do! I hate sitting still, I am far too stubborn for my own good sometimes. I have to keep reminding myself that, yes, whilst I may not be ill as such I am still fighting, fighting that horrid little lump with every ounce of energy I have, which is why I must rest.

I know I only have one left, but if I told you "you'll only be flattened once more" would you relish in that thought? Or dread every minute of it?

Luckily, the thought of the thing killing me off scares me about 2% more than chemo does right now, plus that stubborn streak needs to prove that it's not for hiding away anytime soon.

Once again I say goodbye to a weekend and become one of the only people praying for it to be next week already! I have a selection of painkiller's and hot water bottle's for me to pick from, at least the codeine helps me sleep through the pain a little.

Good job I'm not up and about really... I'm sure I'd rattle if you shook me right now. Xx