New drugs, black nails and confirmed shrinkage!!

Saw the oncologist yesterday before chemo, bloods are all ok again so got the go ahead for the next type. It's a different drug to what I've had before which means different side effects. First dose went in yesterday, no problems, and NO sickness so far (touchwood)! Its amazing being able to eat and move about normally. All I feel at the moment is a tad sleepy, possibly from all these early mornings! Now to lie in wait for these bone and muscle pains I have been told to expect and hope they're not too horrid.

For those that see me over the next few months, I have black nail varnish on. Do not worry, I have not been turned gothic by medicine, I have read in multiple places that it may help my nails peeling, splitting or even dropping off as it prevents sunlight reaching my nail beds. Worth a try. I'm also attempting to drink more pineapple juice as that should hopefully help prevent my mouth becoming too nasty and sore. Strange preventative tactics, but worth a go!

Today the first dose of herceptin went through too, again no problems.

I am loving my port! Despite it still being bruised and the stitches on my chest wall still being in it is so much better than my PICC! Had the stitches out my neck yesterday, that wound has all healed well and looks fab, two weeks before the rest of the stitches can come out!

On a very, very positive note, I have made the conscious decision throughout my chemo to only feel the size of that lump once a week, that way any changes are more obvious to me. I have felt it shrinking! the second week seems to hit the thing the hardest.

The oncologist had a poke at it yesterday and agrees that it is definitely shrinking!!! Which spurs me on to fight through these side effects even more, because despite me normally feeling so rotten after chemo it's doing much more damage to that thing than it is to the rest of me. I'm also carrying on sending death wishes to it in the shower, silly as it sounds, makes me feel better and more in control and certainly won't do any harm! I won't receive any scan's until chemo is over, but a feel-able difference is amazing!

All in all feeling pretty positive now. Jumping over that halfway mark has definitely done me wonders! Xx

Halfway! Treats, genes, celebrations and giggles!

Halfway through chemo! The time has flown so far but I've often wondered if I could make it this far.

This third chemo, for me, has been the hardest, not just physically but also emotionally. I have cried a lot over this last three weeks, but I have pulled my socks up and realised what I have in life. Today I am back to the fear of the unknown, a new chemo drug and tomorrow the first dose of herceptin.

Yesterday I really made the most of feeling well! Had pre-chemo bloods taken in the morning, 3 venous jabs as no-one could find the right needles for my port. Then it was off to manchester!

I had an amazing two hour workshop run by Look Good, Feel Better. They are a charity that hold free makeup workshops specifically for women with cancer, I was in a room with 10 other women at different stages along their different cancer journey. 1 beautician went through the 12 step makeup and skincare routine while we all "copied", 3 other beauticians were at hand to help and give more pointers. It was all very focused of rectifying the common problems us cancer sufferers suffer from most frequently, like the loss of lashes, eybrows, redness and facial puffiness. Every single one of those ladies, me included, walked out with a smile on their face and a bound in their step. Definitely the confidence boost and treat I needed ready to face the next half of chemo. As those who know me well I don't often wear makeup so it really was a treat. Another amazing positive was the free "goodie bag" we all got given to take home! I would suggest any woman on this horrific journey attends one of these sessions! Everyone was amazing. Stick a load of women with hair of different lengths but with a similar story into a room and they soon start chatting like old friends. Fabulous workshop!

This is my "goodie bag"!

Following this I had my genetics appointment, which was a rather scary experience for me. This involved a discussion with a genetic counsellor about which genes may be or may not be involved with the development of that lump. They dont test outright for the three most common genes (braca1, braca2 and p53) due to funding, but they feel i fit requirements for p53 testing. So today I will have bloods taken for this, approx 8 weeks till I get my results. After what I now know about this gene I am hoping I am simply just "unlucky" that I got a rouge cell, and it's not that gene. I will try not to worry until results come back though, it wont change anything.

Then it was off to the trafford center to celebrate mine and the boyfriends first anniversary properly. It was two weeks ago, but as I didn't feel too well then we had an, albeit perfect, night in. So celebrated out last night as well.

One happy, and very tired lady by the time I got home.

Just to end on a giggle. I'm keeping a little cancer memory box with all my letters, cards and pictures in. So decided I needed a couple with me and some new friends I found. Hope they make you giggle at least half as much as I did!

Port in PICC out!

I have had two appointments so far this week. Tuesday I had an echocardiogram (ultrasound scan of my heart) to make sure I have no underlying heart problems and to provide my doctor's with a baseline of my heart function, as the herceptin I'm due to start next Wednesday can put you in heart failure. Quite a straight forward appointment so I was in and out pretty quickly.

Yesterday was the big port day! I was quite honestly terrified, and for that reason I decided saying yes to sedation was the best idea. I had a few pre procedure checks and questions done, changed into a gown and was then taken into another room. Led on my back with my head facing right in a box I was covered in surgical drapes, I couldnt see anything other than through a tiny gap in the drapes through the box. I was given some sedation to chill me out, not enough to make me sleep though sadly, then they started putting the local anaesthetic in. At this point I started crying as I was still terrified and it really hurt, so for this reason I was given a little bit more sedation, then I was that chilled out I honestly felt like they wern't doing anything to me, fabulous stuff and I'd really suggest that anyone in that situation says yes to sedation!

It meant I had to stop a little longer after the procedure which was no biggie really as they allowed my boyfriend to sit with me, so I didn't feel quite so alone or scared.

Then the PICC line was pulled out, so it's gone! I honestly couldn't be happier about that. It's been a blessing as it's meant I have not needed a needle for each blood test and each chemo, but I also hated it. It was visible to everyone, got in the way and ruined my skin. Love hate relationship I suppose.

Everyone I came into contact with yesterday was fabulous, I couldn't fault anything! They even had a nurse who was just there to reassure me and simply hold my hand the whole way through. That's true nursing care! I was also given a drink and toast after it all!

Today I am pretty sore and needing regular pain relief, I also look like I've been attacked with all the dressings I have on. I'm just taking it easy and not pushing myself too far. It will be so much easier for day to day life once it's all healed and the stitches have come out. The stitches in my neck (3 stitches) come out on Tuesday and the stitches to my chest (5 stitches) come out in 3 weeks.

This is a picture of the positioning of it all, tomorrow the district nurse will be coming to change my dressings and check my wound, I haven't to change it myself, which is why the chest dressing has blood on it at the moment. Xx

Port pre-assessment.

Almost time for my port-a-cath insertion! Had my pre-assessment yesterday, having it done on Wednesday.

I'll be having it put in the left side as that lump is on the right side and I have had nodes removed on the right side too.

They make a pocket in the skin on my chest, about where my bra strap sits by the sounds of it. This is where the port end will be inserted and stitched onto my chest wall, the tubing is then tunnelled under my skin, comes out at my neck, then they puncture my jugular vein (the one in my neck) and feed the rest of the tubing through so the tip sits in the big vein just above my heart. Everything is connected, tested and then I'm stitched back up on my neck and my chest. All sounds pretty terrifying! But it means nothing will be on the outside of my body so I can have a bath etc, and it can stay in throughout all my treatment. They just insert a special kind of needle into the port's center and then inject my chemo/herceptin etc into that.

All of it is done under a local anaesthetic, I have been offered some sedation, not enough to knock me out, just enough to relax me. I'm still undecided wether to take this or not as I worry it will make me feel rubbish plus it will mean I have to stop longer afterwards. Have to give it a good think over the weekend.

It's a proper surgical procedure, not as simple as just a cannula, which comes with risks and with a promise of pain. I am trying not to think about that though!

This horrid PICC line will come out on the same day too, 4 days and counting!! Xx

This is a picture I found online of what the port looks like before it's put in.