Just a quick update...

I had dose three!!! The amount of times I almost told them I didn't want it was silly, but I didn't say it and I persisted. Have to say this one was honestly the most difficult for me. But what choice do I have? This is the only thing that will save my life. I know what side effects to expect and when, knowing your'e willingly allowing someone to poison you and make you feel that ill is difficult. It's in now though, and the side effects have started as predicted.

I expect it to be a horrid week, but it is the last one of the FEC! Next time I have herceptin and taxotere, which again plunges me into the unknown. So far I have been told it won't really make me feel sick, but the aches are bad. Still hoping it's easier than this one!

Less than three weeks and I will be halfway through this horrible part of my journey!

Yesterday my oncologist has told me I will be having 4 weeks of radiotherapy, 5 days a week. After this I will be having 10 years tamoxifen (I was told 5 years at diagnosis but new research has shown 7-10 years give's me a better chance that it won't return).

To anyone that's reading this and needs chemo or is part way through. Yes, its horrible, I won't lie, but it's also do'able. There is life at the end of it, it will make you see things in a different light and it will change you as a person. But maybe that's all for the best. Call it life experience. The best of luck to you, I hope the side effect's are kind. Love and hugs xx

1/3 of the way there...

Im 1/3 of the way there!! Third chemo today, which I'm dreading!

So the second dose side effects: some sickness even after 5 different anti-emetics, the usual aches, extreme tiredness, a decent wheeze and I also think I have a bit of fluid retention going on, gunna discuss this with oncologist today!

Had another amazing well week, it's good to be able to get out and about. Crammed three weeks of life into one! Also went on a night out with a bald head, and I have to say I rather enjoyed the feeling, it has been too hot recently for scarves.

I have been introduced to an amazing facebook group, everyone there is a young woman (under the age of screening) who has breast cancer. There are near on 500 members! I have so far found this group and these women to be an amazing source of support. My family, friends and boyfriend provide me with an amazing support, but these women are all at different steps along a similar horrific path to mine. That provides a different kind of support. They, like me, know how it is first hand, and also many have tricks to help with side effect's! Always a bonus in my eye's.

They have made me realise it's not about being positive, it's about hope. It's perfectly ok not to be positive 100% of the time, it's normal to feel like I can't do this or can't carry on. As long as once I've had a good cry I pick myself up, give myself a kick up the bum and don't let it last too long. It's about hope that I can get through this poisoning that is chemo, hope that it never ever comes back, hope that my genes show nothing and I am simply "unlucky" at this point in my life, hope that one day I have some resemblance of a twenty-somthing's life and hope that one day I can have my own little family...

This cycle seems set to be a busy one. I have a pre-assessment for my port-a-cath, insertion of port-a-cath and and echocardiogram planned so far.

I do not want my body to be pumped full of this awful poison, but what choice do I have? Here goes!

Oh, and to all my beautiful female friend's, get checking!!! Lots of love xx

A bit miffed

I am desperate for this PICC to be taken out, I have therefore spent the whole week making phonecalls trying to chase up the referral and get a date booked. Finally got somewhere yesterday and was given a pre-assessment and a procedure date for next week which then led to me bouncing round the house in a little bubble of happiness!

That lasted 10 minutes. Then I got a phone call in which they said they had already cancelled that date and re-booked me for August as I already have a PICC (which I told them first time round anyway!) so it "isn't as desperate for me to have it done". Bubble burst! I then preceded to start crying, then sobbing, down the phone explaining I was having problems with the PICC hence the desperate need for one before my next chemo, would he listen? No! He then started to treat me like an idiot, i got cross, cried more and now have to wait almost 4 weeks before I can have a port.

I seriously hope I ruined that blokes day by crying, he certainly ruined mine! I also hope he goes home and tells his wife/partner/mother that he made a 24 year old with breast cancer cry and I hope they point out how nasty he is!

Fingers crossed the person who does it is a hell of a lot nicer than him!

Rant over!

Roll on 4 weeks! Xx

Change in treatment.

Chemo last week brought up a few changes, firstly my actual chemotherapy regime is changing. FEC-T is my new action plan, which seems even more fitting as i keep thinking that lump is gunna be FEC-T! I have the same chemo as the first time for three cycles and then cycle 4, 5 and 6 I am given a different drug, the T part.

One of the other tests on the lump has come back which shows I need herceptin. Sounds like that's every 3 weeks for 12 months. My PICC line can't stay in that long, I have to have a port-a-cath! Those I have spoken to recently will know that this is a positive thing for me personally as I absolutely hate my PICC! Mainly due to problems with my skin and the dressings and the fact it's so visible. Should be having port put in just before my next chemo which is in two weeks.

As soon as the stitches are out of the port insertion site I plan to have the longest bath known to mankind! So, so excited!

Finally feeling more normal today, the first week is tough post-chemo! I now plan on making the most of these next two weeks and this beautiful weather! Xx

Side effect's of survival.

That's one whole cycle of chemo completed!!

The infusion itself was straight forward, drug line hooked up to my PICC line and i felt fine for an hour. Then the sickness started, despite getting two types of antisickness through my line before chemo! I only vomited twice but the nausea was horrendous! I ended up swapping one of my oral antisickness medicines for two different ones through my GP, which helped a little. This lasted about three/four days and then subsided. On about day three the aches started, which is apparantly more down to the neulasta jab that was given in my tummy the day after chemo. Headache and "growing pain" type aches to both my legs, this eased over the next few days.

After all that subsided the tiredness hit! Every single task, no matter how small, felt like too much. Brushing my hair, dressing, even getting out of bed. After talking to a few people I realised I needed to give in to this feeling and have a nap whenever I needed one. As someone said to me, I'm fighting cancer, not the treatment. The tiredness seemed to last through the rest of the cycle, but wasnt as severe after a few days.

As I previously posted, I had my head shaved on day 9 and raised a massive £1222 for charity alongside donating my hair! Unfortunately some lovely insect must have taken a shine to me the day before as I ended up with a big red patch on my leg, which resulted in me having a temperature. I did as I was told and rang the chemo nurse's and got to spend that night in the care of some fabulous nurse's. Had a dose of intravenous antibiotics and sent home on two different oral antibiotic's. A few days later I was back in A&E being checked over again. This time the assessment unit didn't want to keep me! That jab after chemo must have worked as they were happy with my white blood cells and neutrophil count!

Then came my "well week" my body is given the chance to recover itself before the next dose. I had a fabulous week and got to see most of the important people in my life and had some quality time with the boyfriend!

My stubble that was left over from my head shaving party has mostly fallen out now and I almost have a properly bald head! I'm glad it's gone so quickly, its like being stabbed with pins everytime something touches my head, again I am reassured that this is normal. Bonus points as a woman... I also no longer need to shave under my arms, I seem to have lost that hair too!

Yesterday the whole thing started again, at least I kinda know what to expect now and what foods I'll manage to eat. Here goes! Xx