The plan of attack!

Had my pre-chemo assessment today; this consisted of a 20 minute video on what to kind of expect, filling in a few details such as medications - interestingly I have been advised not to take vitamins as these can affect the absorption of the chemo, had bloods taken and they also chose a vein for my PICC line to be inserted.

Having a PICC line seems a scary concept but it means I will not need to be jabbed every time I need bloods, chemo or antibiotics etc, it will be left in till the end of my treatment. The PICC line goes in my bicep into a vein and the tip sits in the large vein near my heart. It also means I'm less likely to have any problems with it being in the wrong place and my veins won't be as ruined. Oh, and they've given little miss whimp here some magic cream to apply beforehand! Whoop!

The proposed plan of action attack is as follows (this may change depending on how my body responds):

• Insertion of Picc line in just over a week.
• Commence chemo the day after - I am having the FEC regime which is three different anti-cancer (cytotoxic) drugs given via my PICC line. This regime title sounds perfect to me, abusive towards the cancer in a way! Every little helps eh.
• 6 cycles of this, 3 weeks between each.
• Lumpectomy (cutting the lump out) at some point after my chemo.
• Radiotherapy.
• 5 years at least of hormone therapy as the lump feeds off my hormones.

So that's basically how I'm thinking the next 5 years of my life will plan out.

All the nasty side effects have been discussed, I'm not going to think about those until I've started treatment. The thought of no immune system is daunting. The hair loss is also a definite, today I've been told this will be in week 2-3 after my first chemo. For a while now I've been thinking about the best way to deal with this. I need to feel some form of control over everything so have decided I am shaving it off. I don't want to wake up with it on my pillow. There are some charity's that will take my hair to be made into wigs, I have found one that makes wig's for children so I'm leaning towards that as I'm a paediatric nurse. I also intend to make it into a fundraising event to split between two charities, I think I have already decided on these. I've had a quick discussion with a local pub who should hopefully let me do it there and my fabulous hairdresser has agreed to let me have a few drinks and she'll sort my hair out. Organising this will be my focus for getting through the next week I feel.

On a positive note, we won the quiz again last night!! About time some luck came my way.

As for the weekend, a lunch date with the boyfriend, best friend and my goddaughter followed by a celebration of my sister's birthday in the pub should help me keep some normality while I have the chance and keep me smiling.

That small matter of a sentinel node biopsy

So it's about 10 days since I had my sentinel node biopsy. Basically (in the hospital I attend) I had radioactive dye injected into my affected breast on the morning of my operation. I was warned that this would sting, what I didnt expect was it to feel like she'd sliced me with a scalpel! I had to actually look to ensure she wasn't having a go at the op herself, this lasted a good few seconds after the injection and was reassured that this meant it had been a good injection. I then had to wait for my time slot in the afternoon, I had all the usual pre-op stuff done like observations and a checklist and was seen by my anaesthetist and my surgical consultant.

Now would probably be an appropriate time to point out that despite the fact I myself am a nurse, I have to be THE biggest whimp when it comes to pain and needles! For example in my pre-op a few days earlier I completely broke down sobbing and simply could not have my bloods done. My anaesthetist however was a lovely lady, when I was in the anaesthetic room I again started crying but managed to have a cannula, simply down to the approach that she and the nurse used. I was given medication and the last thing I remember was the nurse holding my other hand and me feeling like I'd spent a few too many hours in the pub. I woke up still crying, with another nurse holding my hand, and was shocked that it had actually been done as I felt perfectly normal!
I had three sentinel nodes removed, these are the lymph nodes that things such as white blood cells drain to first, the ones most likely to contain cancer if it had started to spread to other parts of my body, I like to visualise them as little train stations. I was lucky to have just three out, my ultrasound gave the, now correctly confirmed, impression that they were clear, I have heard of women that have had 17 or 18 removed!
I returned to the ward and thankfully recovered well and very quickly.

Now a few pointers for anyone that's facing this op:

·         Take pain relief! -  Don't make the silly mistake I did and decide a few days later that you can manage without it... you can't, trust me.

·         Buy a stick deodorant - I never used to like these, but the thought of using a spray near an open wound, as it's in my armpit, did not seem too sensible to me. I have a lovely smelling nivea one that i use just above my wound/dressing, most importantly, it works.

·         Find your comfortable positions and stick to them - I have a v-shaped pillow that I originally bought to help with my asthma when I had attacks or infections, this has been really useful these last few days (Asda have a silentnight one for just £7!).

·         Everything you excrete for the next 48 will be a fabulous shade of bright blue! Seriously! Blue stools, blue tears (I did not test this one but the nurses warned me) and urine that resembles toilet cleaner! This is all due to the dye they inject.

·         Which brings me onto the next point, with the shock I think I missed a few things he explained about the operation beforehand, the blue dye I was also injected with (thankfully whilst under) has left a small part of my boob bright blue, as in avatar style but a tad brighter! I can still obviously see this despite it being 10 days later! I'm led to believe this may take a few weeks to fade.

·         Do the exercises they suggest! Despite it hurting, the pain seems to be a lot easier to manage if I've not held it still for hours. I was given a booklet written by breast cancer care, you can get this free from their website. I'ts also meant to help reduce complications.

·         Push yourself, but not too hard, rest is important too.

I'm well impressed at the stitching my surgeon has done! I should end up hopefully with a perfect scar that I'm sure won't be too visible.

Check out my bling! This was about day 4, I'll try and upload another picture when the stitch is out.

Good luck and get relaxing! xx

Just a quick nag

I am absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of people who have taken time to read my first entry and also by the number of people who have sent me such words of support because I've been so open about this journey.

I have recently read a quote that states that "cancer is just a word, not a sentence" and I intend to live each day believing that, I refuse to become any form of victim to this thing, mentally or physically. People often say in their lovely messages "I hope you don't mind me knowing". I, in no way shape or form, mind, cancer is not something I will shy away from when someone asks and is not something I will ever be ashamed of. Apart from that, where I live gossip spreads like wildfire and everyone would soon find out when I go bald!

I feel that while traffic to my blog is so high I need to reiterate the importance of checking yourself at any age, I don't mean to nag or go on, but I'm 24, that has to prove this not only happens to people who are over 50! I literally owe my life to my Mum, had she had not drummed the self-check message into me from such an early age I may not have found this until months or years down the line, by which time it could have been a whole different story. I fear I will never be able to show her how thankful I am to her for pushing the message through my eye rolling, hormonal teenager years.

In my obsessive research about breast cancer (as I believe knowledge is power in a fight) I have found a couple of check-yourself websites:

http://www.coppafeel.org/

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-information/breast-awareness?gclid=CK60zoiQu7cCFa7JtAod33YAug

A couple of minutes once a month that could save your life... Not a massive waste of time in my eyes, and an excuse for an extra few minutes in the shower.  Pay your GP a visit (ask for a female if it helps) if anything concerns you, that's what they're there for! And if you're not happy or still concerned, go back! Certainly glad I did!

So get checking! xx

Diagnosis to week 2

15/05/2013

One date I highly doubt I will ever forget, that horrible diagnosis of breast cancer.

I am writing this blog, not to see how fabulous my English writing skills are (as I passed that GCSE at a CC which was probably only just a scrape but enough for me as my writing skills are awful) but to see if I can make sense of all this, provide me with something to keep myself entertained and hopefully encourage people that no matter what age you are checking yourself is important!!!

Stepping back in time a little I first found a lump in my right breast around September-October 2012. As I was only 23 I left it a while before paying a trip to see my female GP, as at that age I had the whole "it will just be my hormone's" impression and was not enthralled at the thought of getting everything out for a health professional. I finally bucked my ideas up and paid my GP a trip in November, within days I found myself sat in a breast clinic, after flashing myself some more and being examined yet again I was given an ultrasound and reassured it was just glandular tissue therefore nothing to worry about and discharged with a smile.

4 months later after monitoring that lump (aged 24) I was concerned that it had doubled in size so booked myself in to see the GP again, good job I did! I was seen by a different consultant at a hospital closer to home and given yet another ultrasound, followed by a core needle biopsy (which wasn't quite as painful or bad as I expected). By this point that lump was roughly 3cm wide and probably about as long.

48 hours later I was given the sickening news that the biopsy had cancerous cells. Grade 3 which basically means the cells growing are very abnormally compared to other cells and multiply quickly. The good news is despite the lump feeling about 3cm, the nasty part is only 1.3cm. And before you ask it, there's no family history, I don't smoke and I don't drink excessive amounts. I'm hoping it's a one off unlucky thing, the thought of carrying the BRCA1 or 2 gene is frightening.

People criticise the NHS constantly, but I have to say that so far I could not fault a single thing! Everything has been organised so efficiently and quickly it is actually shocking.

It will be two weeks tomorrow since my diagnosis. So far I have:

·        Met my lovely breast care nurse who has provided me with some leaflets and booklets from macmillan and breast cancer care (i love leaflets)

·        Met my oncologist who has already decided on my treatment plan and sorted my consent out for that

·        Had a sentinel node biopsy under general anaesthetic to ensure none of the cancerous cells were in my lymph nodes

·        Received the fabulous news that my lymph nodes are clear of cancer

·        Had a bone scan

·        Got CT scan and pre-chemo assessment booked

Today I have been told I will also need an MRI and a mammogram, feel like I'm being given a proper MOT.

Telling people I have cancer is such a difficult thing to do, I sense it's something I will never get used to. I have got the strongest support behind me which should make this whole process so much easier. I am blessed with an amazing family, wonderful boyfriend and fabulous friends who have given me words of strength and hope, plenty of cuddles, a little normality while I can and some truly beautiful flowers, presents, cards and a trilby hat all thrown in.

I'm all for being positive, after all worrying won't shrink the thing so I shan't waste my energy on it.

My positivity list so far consists of:

·        I will save a small fortune on hair products

·        Showering will be a lot quicker

·        I will not have a "bad hair day" for a long while

·        I will be ready to go out a lot quicker than my lovely boyfriend and friends

·        I have an excuse to shop for pretty scarves

I'm sure I will continue to add to this.

I have been told studies in America have shown that exercise can improve the outcome of treatment, therefore, as a woman, I saw this as an excuse to buy some new shoes, with a hint of pink of course... My "kick arse trainers" have already started being put to task!

The sooner I beat that lump the better!