I've done it!!!

IVE ONLY GONE AND BLOODY DONE IT!!!!

I have finished 20 radiotherapy sessions!

This last 8 and a half months have been the toughest months of my life. My body has been battered from every angle, internally and externally, I have felt pain I never thought possible and have felt more ill than I probably ever will again throughout my entire life.

8 and a half months and I have had numerous scans, 3 operations, 6 chemotherapy sessions, 9 herceptin infusions, 2 tiny tattoo's, a picc insertion, a port insertion, a biopsy, a tumour marker insertion, too many needles, 20 radiotherapy sessions, a month of tamoxifen and more drugs than I could shake a stick at.

I have lost my hair, my nails, a few people I mistook as friends, 3 lymph nodes, lots of naughty cells and all of my dignity...

I have 9 herceptin infusions (yep, that makes me halfway through!) and 9 years 11 months of tamoxifen left to take. That however is nothing in the big picture. Now I think I am finally allowed to put the pieces of myself back into some kind of order, regain my dignity and most importantly LIVE!

Who would have thought it eh, little old me kicking cancers arse at 24! I am so proud of what I have achieved and so proud of what my body can go through yet still bounce back from. I would never have done it without the support of my fabulous family and friends, so a massive thank-you to each and every one of you!

I am a different person now from who I used to be. I will never "get back to normal", that version of me has gone forever. This new me is different... It currently can't manage certain things, has significantly more scars, a different outlook on life, a fear of reoccurrence and looks completely different. Strangely, however, I have a lot more confidence within myself than I have ever had, I think when you're stripped back and made to feel so raw you are forced into becoming more confident. I am less scared of doing or trying new things too, if I've made it through this then I can do anything I set my mind too, turns out Mum and Dad were right with that phrase all along! I think it has changed me for the better in many ways.

I will never, ever, forget what I have been through. I wouldn't want to, it is a huge event in my life, but I refuse to let it define who I am.

There are a whole range of things I have now got to deal with and try and get my head around, it has been a roller-coaster of change and emotions. I have been told that after breast cancer treatment it is about 18 months before people feel they have turned the corner and found their new self and happiness. I have a long way to go mentally. It is a very difficult thing to try and explain just how "moving on" feels, so I wont try. It's too big a feeling.

I will tell you though that the light at the end of that tunnel is beautiful and bright, just like I had imagined it to be!

Here's to life and living it! :D