Genetics results!

Absolutely perfect Monday!!

The gene they tested for has come back as negative, it's a huge relief!

Geneticist says it highly unlikely to be either of the BRCA genes, it could be another they don't test for, but even they won't be as bad as the TP53 could have been.

Looks like it could all be a simple case of big boob, bad cell!

So incredibly happy!

Now for the celebrations...

Results!!

This morning I received my bone scan results and operation results.

The bone scan showed no sign of spread into my bones, which is a huge relief. The peculiar patches must just have been the damage caused by chemo.

As for my operation. They took a huge lump of tissue (9.4 cm x 7 cm x 5 cm i believe, 149 grams) as the MRI and mammogram showed a big shadow and they have to remove a certain amount of healthy tissue around it too, to make sure nothing nasty is left behind.

I had a ductal carcinoma, which is where the cancer spreads out of the duct and surrounds it, creating what was the huge lump. In all the tissue removed when it was tested there were no remaining cancer cells!! 

Yey for chemo! It's done an amazing job.

Within the affected duct they found DCIS (ductal carcinoma in-situ). This is pre-cancerous cells, ones that could potentially become cancerous. They have good margins round most of it, just on one side the cells are too close to the edge of the sample. Meaning I need another operation in two weeks to have a cavity shave. Removing a little more tissue to ensure theres nothing nasty left over that could become cancerous in the future.

If there is a visible difference cosmetically (which there isn't at the moment), I may be able to have lipo remodelling, this, I think, is where they inject some of my body fat into the dint to kind of bulk it back up.

Thank goodness I have more than my fair share of boobs eh!

My stitch has been removed and the scar looks like it will be barely visible!

All in all a bloody good morning!!

Now to keep my fingers crossed that genetics this afternoon goes well... Xx

6 months!

6 months today since that dreaded word "cancer" became a huge part of my life and named itself as the opponent of the biggest, and most difficult, fight I'll probably ever face.

It's true that you don't hear anything after that word, all I remember from that room is "cancer" and "You'll lose your hair". I probably did a pretty good impression of a goldfish as those words hit me like a slow motion train crash.

The last 6 months has been a huge roller-coaster of emotions and appointments. I have had two operations, 6 doses of chemotherapy and 5 doses of herceptin.

I have also changed as a person, physically and mentally. I have found that I am stronger than I could have ever imagined and I have more willpower than I believed. My body has fought and has not let me down.

I will keep rolling the punches out as I have more herceptin, radiotherapy, tamoxifen and possibly further surgery.

6 months!

Today, I am winning.

Wide Local Excision (WLE) operation.

Monday I had my wide local excision (WLE or lumpectomy).

Firstly I had to have a wire placed in my bad boob so my surgeon knew exactly where to look for the nasty lump. This required a mammogram to see exactly where the lump was, then I was sat down in front of the mammogram machine and positioned, another mammogram was taken but this time it didn't let me go. For those that have not had a mammogram, it hurts! Imagine your breast being squashed and squashed and squashed until you become seriously worried that it won't stop and your breast will explode, that pretty much explains it. Now imagine you're left in that torture device whilst someone puts a local anaesthetic in with a needle and then threads a wire through your breast. Ouchy! With the wire poking out I was freed, stood up and had to have another mammogram to check the final wire placement. I am rather surprised i was not completely bruised the day after!

This unsurprisingly was the start of the tears for the day.

Next I had to wait to be taken to theatre, a good few hours later. 3.20pm I went down to the anaesthetic room and said bye to my mum. My surgeon came to see me in the anaesthetic room, he had a look at my wire placement and said that that lump looked bigger than they expected on the mammogram and I will need a mastectomy if there are too many cells in the report from this operation. He did however feel that a WLE was the right operation to start with, but to me didn't sound too positive about me not needing further surgery.

The anaesthetist was a lovely man, unfortunately he said chemo has ruined my veins despite me having a PICC / port-a-cath from the off, meaning it was difficult to cannulate me. After two attempts in my good arm he had to resort to using my bad arm (I am meant to try and avoid injections, cannulas and blood pressures etc on my right arm as I have had lymph nodes removed). The stress from all this made me cry. I'd love to have a week off from all this rubbish! I had a nurse who held my hand again while I fell asleep, you really can't get much better patient-centered care than that!

I woke up very spaced out, woozy and feeling very sick. So I was given two lots of anti-sickness medicines through another cannula they had put in in theatre in my good arm, and fell asleep while I was taken to the ward. 5.30pm I arrived back on the ward to my mum and boyfriend waiting for me. Turns out the sickness and woozyness was caused by morphine, which also managed to drop my blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen levels and temperature. One nurse didn't believe my temperature was 34.6 so took another reading and promptly wrapped me in two blankets, my dressing gown and a wooly hat! I had to keep my oxygen on and had a lovely, drug induced, snooze.

Once all my numbers were up I was allowed to get up, have my dressing changed and got dressed. I managed all this so got discharged home at about 9.15pm.

I am now well dosed up on painkillers as I am quite sore, I am resting lots but also doing my required exercises. I have a huge dressing covering the incision (no picture sorry as it would be too revealing!) and I have a two week wait to find out if all this was all unnecessary or not. I'm keeping everything crossed that I do not need a mastectomy!

MRI results... One thing after another!

Yesterday I had an appointment with my surgical consultant followed by herceptin.

The surgical appointment wasn't exactly to what I wanted to hear. He still wants to go ahead with a lumpectomy, which is what I want. It sounds like chemo has changed that 6cm lump on the last MRI to a 4cm shadow on the recent one, some of this he feels could possibly be the reaction of the cells on the outside of the lump to the cancer cells. We won't know this until the results come back from testing after the op though. That second suspicious patch wasn't visible this time! If there are too many viable cancer cells I will need a mastectomy, which I do not want, at all! Not that I have a choice like. As I have a "larger bust" (his words not mine) it shouldn't really be that noticeable that I have had a chunk that big cut out.

I find it strange that just a 2cm reduction can result in such a palpable difference. It has gone from being visible without having to feel, to only just being able to find it!

I found a long dint/groove in bad boob a week and a half ago, which made me panic (a taster of what I'm going to feel like every time I find something funny with my boobs in future). He had a look and feels it is just due to pesky fluid retention that I am already on tablets for.

The other unexpected thing was that he started asking if I have had any strange aches or pains in my arms. I have had really sore hips and legs since chemo which I mostly put down to chemo and fluid retention. My arms have also had the odd ache and I have a few times had a sharp pain in what feels like the bones in my hands and feet, only about 2-4 times a week lasting 30 secs-1 min which I thought again was chemo. Can only describe it as somewhere in the middle of standing on a needle and standing on a plug! Turns out that due to the positioning when I have had my MRI my upper arms have been on the scan. This has shown some "peculiar" patches on the bones in my upper arms which means I will need another bone scan to see what's going on in there. He feels it is unlikely to be cancer cells as my node test came back with no evidence of cells, as did my bone scan before chemo. It could all just be caused by the effects of chemo, which goes to show just how much all this treatment affects your body! Keeping everything crossed that it is just chemo. Doesn't stop me worrying.

Herceptin all went ok. 5 down, 13 to go! Stupidly forgot to put my "magic cream" over my port therefore the needle going in blooming hurt!

In other news I have had a few eye problems recently, after a trip to A&E and then eye clinic it turned out to be an advanced allergy to something, I think again probably caused by chemo. Three sets of drops later they feel much better. Think I have also hit the chemopause, I don't like the sound of menopause at 24! Same symptoms though, hot flushes arn't much fun!

All in all a pretty rubbish day yesterday and yet more waiting and probably worrying... Xx

Post-chemo celebration's and the start of new hair!

Been doing lots of celebrating and living this last week and a half!

My fabulous work friends very generously got me a "spa day", I saved this and booked it for the end of chemotherapy as something to focus on and look forward too. So last Friday me and my beautiful Mum went, we had an amazing day! For the first time in a very long time I felt fully relaxed and felt like a human again, and almost completely forgot about this cancer stuff! Was lovely to be able to see my Mum having a good day too as she has spent so long these last few months seeing me unwell and taking time off work to come to horrible appointments. I followed this with a Chinese and some wine with my Mum and boyfriend. All in all a perfect day.

Saturday me and the boyfriend took a trip to the Trafford centre, had a look round lush and bought the hair products I've had my eye on since before chemo! Hair growth products! "Roots" which is good for forcing head massages out of people smells minty and the "new bar" which is a shampoo bar containing cinnamon, both are meant to encourage hair follicles to grow. Fingers crossed it works, even if it doesn't at least my head will smell lovely.

I have had three lunch dates too, one with a close friend, one with a few of the girls from work with their babies and one with my boyfriend, beautiful best friend and gorgeous god-daughter.

Thursday (24th October) I had a, hopefully final, head shave as it was exactly one month post last chemo. My hair seems to now be coming through pretty evenly so I'm letting it grow wild. Going to try and take regular photos so i can see how quickly it's growing. These are pictures from the 24th of my hair, brows and lashes.

Oh, and I now have 3 lashes, they still seem to be dropping along with my eyebrows, hoping it wont be long before they grow back.

Here's to hair-growth and happiness! Xx

My little pinktober rant

Pinktober? No! Im sorry, but all this pink fluffy shit really gets on my tits!!! Breast cancer isn't pink and isn't fluffy! Its serious and it's horrid, physically and psychologically. For starters its a 24/7, 365 day a year thing it doesn't last 1 month like pinktober, men get breast cancer too and shops selling "pink" things often only give 10-20% of the price to charity! Fair enough, go out dressed in pink or hold a pink party and give all your donations directly to a breast cancer charity, but you going out without a bra for a day really doesnt support me, more like makes me feel sicker than I already do! What does help me as a cancer suffer is knowing you lot check yourselves regularly and act when something isnt right. And if you have some spare change, read what area of cancer each charity does (research, support for patients etc) and give it to them!! Xx

Do I rattle when I walk?

Having chemo does not mean you have just the chemo drugs, you have drugs for the side effects of chemo and sometimes you need drugs for the side effects of those drugs! Thought I would compile a list of everything I have taken (or at least remember taking) since I started chemotherapy. Obviously as people react differently no two people will have matching lists, plus I am a whimp. So here goes...

Fluorouacil (5FU), Epirubicin, Cyclophosphamide and Taxotere (docetaxel) are the 5 chemo drugs I had. FEC for the first three doses, tax for the last three all given into a vein (IV). Herceptin, also given IV, is an immunotherapy drug, which makes it another cancer "arse kicking" drug. Saline, IV, lots and lots of it, used to flush the lines used during chemotherapy and to flush my port. Neulasta was a 0.6ml jab into my tummy once 24 hours after every chemo (6 in total). Very expensive for such a tiny amount, but does an amazing job! It prevents my blood levels dropping too low for too long in the middle of each cycle. It boosts my bone marrow to produce more cells which caused bone ache, mainly in my hips and thighs. Dexamethasone, given both by mouth (orally) and IV. This is a steroid which is used during FEC as an antisickness and during tax at a higher dose to prevent allergic reactions. Weight gain and inability to sleep were the main side effects, the higher dose kind of makes you a bit manic! Never been so hyperactive. Ondansetron, IV and oral; Metroclopramide, IV and oral; Cyclizine; Buccastem (prochlorperazine) and Emend (Aprepitant) are all anti-sickness tablets. Emend is specially made for chemotherapy sickness and was brilliant. Laxido, Lactulose and Dulcolax (Bisacodyl) were all for constipation, FEC and anti-sickness tablets are extremely good at making you constipated. Which then leads to anal fissure's (do NOT google that if you're eating or have a sensitive disposition!). After talking to many other women undergoing chemotherapy it seems this is sadly very common, but never mentioned by the oncologist. Pain is not the word, very close to passing out on some occasions. Two separate GP trips in desperation and I was given Uniroid ointment, and then stronger Ultraproct ointment. Buscopan (Hyoscine) for stomach cramps and Imodium (Loperamide) for when I wasn't quite so constipated thanks to tax and antibiotics. Lots and lots of Paracetamol and Ibuprofen for pain. Codeine tablets for bone and muscle pain on tax. Anbesol and Benzydamine spray for mouth ulcers and sores. Ametop, Emla and Ethyl chloride (cryogesic cold spray) because I'm a whimp and hate needles, these all numb the skin. Ametop is the best one for me. Midazolam IV when I had my port inserted to make me a bit woozy. Sore, red, itchy and watery eyes led to me needing both Sodium cromoglicate 2% eye drops and Chloramphenicol 0.5% eye drops. Fluclonazole, anti-fungal tablets for thrush both "upstairs and downstairs" (as my oncologist kindly worded it) is very common due to the chemical inbalance caused by chemo, I was also given Canesten cream (Clotrimazole). Co-amoxiclav IV; Meropenem IV; 4 courses of Flucloxacillin and finally 2 courses of Amoxicillin all antibiotics. Firstly a nasty insect bite landed me in hospital for one night and a few days later I ended up in A&E for the day too. I have ingrown toenails and was due to have these sorted on the day I was diagnosed but had to cancel my appointment, they will not do toenail surgery whilst I'm undergoing cancer treatment so they've been left. This has led to them becoming infected when my immunity dipped. Finally I got a cold which led to a chest infection. Think I did pretty well only needing one night and one day in hospital throughout my whole chemo!

37 drugs there!

These are the best three of my own "non-medicinal" side effect busters that I feel deserve a little mention.

XXX trebor mints are wonderful for sickness. Guinness to boost iron levels as they dropped with each chemo. Anything to avoid a blood transfusion eh! Lastly, the marvellous Pineapple, fresh non concentrated is the best. It works better than anything at preventing and healing mouth ulcers and sores!

On the plus side, I'm a nurse, I feel when I am finally back at work the first hand experience of what each of these drugs does to your body may come in handy! Xx

Chemo is over!

Today I feel like the worst of the side effects of chemo are over! Knowing that I am not having another dose in a week and a half makes me incredibly happy. The effects of chemo will take 6-12 months to leave my body, I am in no way back to how I used to be or anywhere close, but the worst of this step on my journey is over.

Chemotherapy has destroyed so much of my body. Amongst many other things I have lost hair from all over my body, gained weight despite eating and drinking a lot less, gone off foods i love, been tired even after 14 hours sleep, taken enough medicines to open my own chemist, felt like I've had my stomach scraped out and had my intestines swirled about, I have lost most of the tastebuds on my tongue in one go, had spontaneous nosebleed's at the most inappropriate times, my nails have rings resembling tree trunks and I have, numerous times, sat on the bathroom floor wet through after a shower as I simply have not had the energy to dry myself.

I am realistic, I know I still have herceptin, an operation, radiotherapy, tamoxifen and a lot of future scans to go. These all individually bring their own problems and challenges, but I made it through chemo and consider that to be one of my biggest achievements in life. It's not something I want to brush under the carpet, I got through uni, got the job of my dreams and had the strength to make it through chemo at 24.

Along the way I have learnt who I can turn to when I am at my lowest, learnt who my friends really are, learnt I have a man that really does love me for who I am and still finds me beautiful when I am at my lowest, I have learnt things I never knew about myself, learnt what things really matter in life and learnt that I have the strength and willpower to do anything I set my mind on, no matter how difficult.

This weekend I have felt for the first time that cancer is not right at the forefront of my mind and I can finally dare to think about next year and the rest of my future.

I have sunshine in my life and a little bit of a spring in my step. For today at least, I am happy! Onwards and upwards! Xx

Yey for the NHS!

I have received some of the best care imaginable so far from the NHS, people are so fast to say when something has gone wrong, but not so quick to say when things have gone well.

Right from the off I feel like everyone has gone out their way to help me. It took just 48 hours from having my biopsy first done to being sat in front of my surgeon hearing that news. I was not meant to be back in clinic for a week, he called me to the hospital as soon as he had chased my results. This then meant the day I should have had the news I was instead in theatre having a sentinel node biopsy. I also met my oncologist 48 hours after diagnosis who already had a plan of attack and consented me for chemotherapy there and then.

I have had multiple scans to ensure there is no spread, again all very quick and very well organised. Less than a month after diagnosis I was having my PICC fitted and then started chemo the next day, pretty impressive I feel for such a lot of things in a short space of time. Considering the rate of growth of that lump it is something I am even more grateful for.

I trust both my surgeon and my oncologist with my life! Which for me is a massive massive thing, and a relief in this situation. I entirely trust every decision or choice they offer me and know that it is in my personal best interest, I'm not just a statistic to them. Also had a couple of cuddles when I've cried at appointments!

Then there are my chemo nurses, each and every one of them are just amazing!

I am a nurse myself, I love my job and I don't think there is anything else in the world I'd rather do. Saying that though, I could not be a chemo nurse. Most patients I see come to me and my colleague's unwell and we do whatever is necessary and possible to try and make them better. Chemotherapy nurses don't seem to work like that. I walked in on that very first day as a "well person", I did not feel ill, I did not look ill. To knowingly give someone a toxic medication that will make them look and feel so so unwell takes a special kind of nurse. Yes in the long run they are making people better or at least prolonging their life, but it's not something visible. Patients walk out on the day of their last dose as a shell of the person they once were, some of these patient's they may not see again. I need to go every 3 weeks for 15 more doses of herceptin, so (lucky for them) they'll see me again and be able to see me get better as I re-grow my hair, re-gain some colour and build my energy levels back up.

They make a fabulous team too, everyone seems to get on with each other. Every time I go they have a giggle at something, and involve the patients, for example the actor for the 50 shades of grey film was announced on one of my chemo days... Led to lots of giggles! All in all they make everyone feel relaxed, even at such a stressful time. Every member of staff says hello, not just your assigned nurse, they all know your name and all get involved in your care. They are also good at scraping you off the ceiling and dealing with tears when your'e ready for ripping your PICC line out after less than a week! Kept that thing in for two months thanks to the staff!!

On a slightly different note, I also love how the unit is laid out. It is in a separate building kind of tucked away, there are rarely any bypassers as I walk in. This is a huge bonus as I think I would otherwise feel self-concious and stressed that people were looking at me and thinking "oooo look she's a cancer patient". Inside it is not all hospitalised like a ward, the big comfy reclining chairs are in a big circle, like an old peoples home or community center, but in a good way. Sometimes it's the small things you notice that make a huge difference on your stress levels.

I only hope they all know how much of a fabulous job they all do and how grateful I will always be to each and every one of them! Xx